


one night, two sides

by ghosthunter



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Infidelity, M/M, dirtbag marcus, iata verdict: everyone sucks here, just break up already
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 16:02:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21139358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghosthunter/pseuds/ghosthunter
Summary: Marcus just gets a text that says,sorry, can’t make itand that’s all.





	one night, two sides

**Author's Note:**

  * For [llwyncelyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/llwyncelyn/gifts).

> all i'm saying is that sometimes people encourage you to do things that you probably shouldn't be doing and that some people is llwyncelyn and it's a neverending cycle of bad decisions involving jeff skinner and the buffalo sabres.
> 
> thanks to flutterandweaken for the beta

Marcus is excited to go back to Washington.

Not because he particularly enjoys playing against the Capitals, but because going back to Washington means that he gets to spend time with his boyfriend. Being traded has made it a pain in the ass, and being traded out of the division has made it even worse. They’re even more lucky that Marcus doesn’t have to get on a plane until the morning.

He spends most of the afternoon texting with Zhenya, and then they have a game. Marcus assists on the game winning goal, and flings himself yelling into his teammates’ arms.

Normally, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, he thinks. It wasn’t like the Devils didn’t beat the Capitals a few times when Marcus was with them, so it’s not like Zhenya’s avoiding him now because the Capitals lost.

Marcus just gets a text that says, _sorry, can’t make it_ and that’s all.

It doesn’t even make sense. Marcus was supposed to go to Zhenya’s house, so it’s not like Zhenya has to do anything but go home. They’ve also been planning this for months, since the schedule came out and they finally knew what games they were going to be playing against each other and what dates. And suddenly Zhenya has something come up?

He leaves Marcus on read when Marcus texts back to ask what’s going on. He declines the call when Marcus tries to call him. Twice.

Marcus is furious when he leaves his hotel room to go downstairs where some of his teammates are sitting having beers in the hotel bar. When he gets there, it’s just Jeff and Jack and Risto.

Jeff is flushed from drinking and his shirt is unbuttoned, his tie tucked into his shirt pocket. Marcus looks at him with his curls and his dimples and he orders himself a drink and joins them, slumping into the seat next to Jeff.

They share a few beers, sat around a high-top table. Jack is talking about some new video game he’s been playing that he’s been trying to get the team into so that he can set up a tournament.

“I think I’m going to go to bed,” Risto says after a while, as the clock creeps past midnight.

“I’m good for at least one more drink,” Marcus says. What’s a third beer before going to bed?

“Not me,” Jack says.

“I’ll have another,” Jeff says, and shrugs.

Marcus and Jeff sit alone in the bar, the two of them and CNN on TV and the bartender behind the bar. It’s quiet, just the two of them, talking about some dumb news story that’s airing on the television they can’t hear. Marcus is pretty sure Jeff is making up 90% of what it’s about.

“Do you want to go to bed,” Marcus says.

“I mean, I’m going to finish my beer but - “ Jeff starts.

“No,” Marcus says. “With me. To my bed.”

Jeff blinks at him, his forehead scrunching together in confusion.

“You can say no,” Marcus says.

“No I just - “ Jeff says. He finishes his beer before he finishes his thought. “Yeah. It was just. I didn’t expect. It was unexpected. But yeah.”

Marcus finishes his own beer and gets up from the table. Jeff doesn’t even hesitate when he gets down off his own stool and follows Marcus out of the bar. Marcus leans against the wall of the elevator and looks at Jeff.

Jeff is looking back at him, chewing on his lower lip. Marcus wants to dig his fingers into Jeff’s curls. He wants to fucking make this bad decision. Because Jeff is here, and Jeff looks sexy with his shirt unbuttoned and his cheeks flushed from the beer. Because he has incredible chemistry with Jeff and because he doesn’t understand where his relationship stands and - 

He’s not a bad person.

At least, that’s what he tells himself as Jeff closes the hotel room door behind them and grabs Marcus by his tie to tug him down into a kiss.

They fumble out of their clothes and onto Marcus’s hotel room bed, and Jeff - 

Touching Jeff feels good, and having his weight on top of Marcus, pushing Marcus down against the mattress, that feels good too. To have someone else, to have a hand on his cock that isn’t his own. For a little while, he forgets to feel guilty about what he’s doing.

And the thing is, he doesn’t actually feel guilty for having sex with someone else. He knows that he should, and the guilt he feels is that he doesn’t feel guilty for doing it.

He doesn’t have regrets about Jeff waking him up before his alarm with his mouth on Marcus’s neck and a hand on Marcus’s cock.

Things with Jeff aren’t that much different after that. Things in general aren’t that much different, except Marcus is hooking up with Jeff on the regular and he and Zhenya don’t talk that much.

He and Zhenya weren’t talking that much, anyway.

The worst part of it is that he knows he needs to break up with Zhenya. But there’s always an excuse for them not to see each other, and Marcus doesn’t want to do it over the phone. (There’s something to unpack about why he’s more willing to cheat on his long-term boyfriend than break up with him over the phone, but the thing is, it feels like they already are broken up. Like they’ve both already moved on, and saying the words is a formality.)

The holidays come and go, and Marcus spends them in Buffalo with Jeff, like they’re dating but not really. Like they’re friends with benefits, which might be more accurate. Marcus likes Jeff, but he isn’t sure that he has real feelings for him. He enjoys spending time with Jeff.

Then Zhenya cancels on their Bye Week plans.

“I’m staying in DC to work on some things,” Zhenya tells him, which is fucking vague and also which Marcus is pretty sure is not true.

“It’s the fucking Bye Week and it’s mandatory time off,” Marcus says. He’s pissed off and trying not to raise his voice, even though he wants to yell at Zhenya.

“I need to work,” Zhenya says.

Marcus hangs up on him.

They don’t talk for nearly a month, and then suddenly he gets a text from Zhenya saying _can’t wait to see you in a couple of weeks,_ and it’s only sheer force of will that keeps Marcus from throwing his phone across the room in frustration.

Marcus just waits for Zhenya in the hallway outside of the locker rooms after the Capitals lose in Buffalo. He has a touque pulled down over his wet hair, and Zhenya leaves him waiting for ages. Press. Stalling. Whatever.

Jeff comes out of the locker room and stops.

“Are you going out with them tonight?” he asks, knowing that Marcus is, at least, still friends with some of the guys on the team. He doesn’t know that Zhenya is still Marcus’s _boyfriend_.

“No,” Marcus says. “I’m just waiting to talk to Kuzy.”

“Okay,” Jeff says, and his smile is so bright and Marcus wants to kiss him, then leave with him, and not do any of the not-fun things that he has to do. “Do you want to come over?”

Marcus sighs. “Maybe not tonight? But tomorrow definitely,” he says.

“Well, if you change your mind,” Jeff says, still grinning. He all but winks, and he turns and he’s gone.

Unfortunately, Zhenya sees it.

“So,” he says to Marcus, who sighs again. “What’s that about?”

“Probably none of your business,” Marcus says, even though it’s a little bit hateful to say out loud.

“Wow,” Zhenya says, and he’s all big, blue, startled eyes blinking at Marcus. “Are you still pissed at me for bailing on Bye Week? Because I told you - “

“Don’t,” Marcus says. “I know what you told me.”

“I could be super pissed off about how you’re clearly flirting with your new teammates, but I’m not doing that,” Zhenya says.

“Why would you be?” Marcus asks. “I’m barely even your boyfriend anymore.”

Zhenya looks a little taken aback by that. “What?” he says.

“You didn’t come to Boston when we were in the Final,” Marcus says. “And I get it, you got into trouble and I -”

“You said you didn’t care about the - you know,” Zhenya says, dropping his voice low.

“I _don’t_,” Marcus says. “You’re a grown man who can make your own terrible decisions if that’s what you want to do, but one of the decisions you’re making is to ignore me when you’re supposed to _love_ me.”

“I do love you, don’t be like this, I - “ Zhenya says, but Marcus cuts him off again.

“Yeah?” Marcus asks. “Is that why we haven’t seen each other since August? Why you’ve canceled trips and plans and - we should have broken up a long time ago, Zhenya. We just.”

“Marcus,” Zhenya starts.

“You didn’t come to Boston. You’ve blown me off so many times this year,” Marcus says. “I’m literally sleeping with someone else already.”

“You,” Zhenya says, and somehow he has the nerve to be heartbroken.

“It’s been over,” Marcus says.

“Maybe I’m not ready for it to be over,” Zhenya says.

“If you weren’t you would have made an effort,” Marcus says. “And maybe it wouldn’t have come to this.”

Zhenya is quiet for a moment and leans back against the wall. “I can’t believe you actually cheated on me,” he says.

“We’ve been broken up for nearly a year,” Marcus says. “Neither of us wanted to admit it.”

“You can’t _say_ that,” Zhenya says. “You don’t get to say that without my input.”

“You’re the reason it’s like this!” Marcus says, raising his voice for the first time. “Your contract got me traded in the first place.”

“You said you weren’t mad about that!” Zhenya yells back at him.

“I wasn’t! I get how it is! But it’s all this other bullshit,” Marcus says. “There were five minutes where you thought I was coming back to DC and you were my boyfriend again and then I ended up in Boston, and then Buffalo and you checked out! And here we are.”

“And you’re sleeping with someone else,” Zhenya says. And Marcus truly can’t comprehend how that can be the thing that hurts Zhenya in all of this, because to Marcus the thing that hurts is the realization that Zhenya checked out on him a long time ago.

“We both need to move on,” Marcus says. He crosses his arms over his chest.

“You already did,” Zhenya says.

“I think you did too and you don’t want to admit it to yourself,” Marcus says. Zhenya looks at him, furious, but Marcus knows that Zhenya won’t cry in front of him. His cheeks and ears are red.

“Then why didn’t you just break up with me?” Zhenya asks.

“Because I love you,” Marcus says. “I still love you but I just. I’m not doing this anymore. Because you’re not putting in any effort, and I can find someone who does.”

“You already have,” Zhenya says.

“Yeah,” Marcus says. “Yeah.”

“So that’s it,” Zhenya says. He’s staring at the floor and Marcus thinks that maybe he is crying, and he doesn’t want Marcus to see. Marcus uncrosses his arms to wipe furiously at his own cheeks.

“That’s it,” Marcus says.

There’s a beat of silence between them, and then Zhenya turns and walks away from him. Marcus stands there for a minute more before heading down the hallway toward the exit.

He’s not expecting Jeff to be standing just around the corner.

“Uh,” he says.

“You had a boyfriend this whole time?” Jeff asks him. The flirty smile from earlier is gone, and Jeff is frowning now.

“Only in the most technical sense,” Marcus says.

“So basically,” Jeff says, “you made me into a bad guy.”

“Can we go somewhere else and talk?” Marcus says. “Because if you overheard any of that you know it’s a lot more complicated than oh, I was just cheating on my boyfriend.”

“But you were,” Jeff says.

“Only in the most technical sense,” Marcus says. “I really - can we talk about it?”

“I don’t think so,” Jeff says. It’s fair that he’s angry, but Marcus thinks he should know the full story.

“It’s not simple,” Marcus says. “It was over.”

“If it was over, you wouldn’t have had a boyfriend,” Jeff tells him.

“It’s funny you say that, because I definitely don’t feel like I did,” Marcus says. “Unless it was you. I’ve had more of a relationship with you the past couple of months than I’ve had with Zhenya the past couple of years.”

“I won’t be someone else’s side piece again,” Jeff says.

“You’re not,” Marcus says. “I’m trying to explain that to you.”

“I don’t think I want you to,” Jeff says.

“I know it doesn’t make it right,” Marcus says. “But he didn’t come to Boston when we were in the Final, and I should have broken up with him then. I could have broken up with him the night he blew me off in DC. The first night you and I -” Marcus sighs. “He blew me off at Christmas, and the All Star Weekend, and the Bye Week.” His voice goes soft. “You can choose whatever you want. But it was over.”

“But you didn’t break up with him,” Jeff says.

“No,” Marcus says. “And I should have.”

“But you didn’t,” Jeff says.

Marcus leans back against the wall, crosses his arms over his chest. He wants to go home. He wants to take Jeff home. He doesn’t feel like he needs to mourn the relationship he just ended. Maybe he needs to mourn the one he’s about to lose.

He realizes that Jeff has been his boyfriend in the last few months more than Zhenya has for the last year or more. And whatever is happening with Jeff, it’s nice. And Marcus wants more of it, and he doesn’t think that it’s just because Jeff is there, and Zhenya isn’t.

Marcus likes Jeff.

“I don’t think you’re someone just to have on the side,” Marcus tells him. “And I’d really like it if you came home with me tonight, but I understand if you don’t want to do that.”

“Because you want some kind of rebound fuck?” Jeff says, his tone harsh.

“No,” Marcus says, and he can feel his face go hot. “I just kind of want you to be there. Not to fuck. But to be there.”

“I can’t,” Jeff says.

“Maybe another night,” Marcus suggests. Jeff shakes his head and walks away. 

And that hurts more than breaking up with Zhenya did.

It’s several weeks before the opportunity even comes up to discuss it. Jeff’s giving him the cold shoulder, and by extension it means that Jack is being weird because he and Jeff are close.

Jeff’s had a couple too many to drive home, and Marcus is too sober and ready to leave. They live in the same direction, so it makes sense for Jeff to get a ride with Marcus and just come back and get his car in the morning.

“No, don’t take an Uber, that’s stupid,” Marcus says. “Come on.”

Jeff just stares at him for a second. Jack reaches out from where he’s still sitting and grabs hold of Jeff’s arm. They stare at each other for a moment, and then Jeff huffs out a breath.

“Fine, let’s go,” he says, and doesn’t wait for Marcus before they start for the parking lot.

The first few minutes of the drive are quiet.

Then Marcus says, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Jeff asks.

“You know what for,” Marcus says.

“No, please tell me,” Jeff says.

Marcus sighs. “I’m sorry that I didn’t break up with Zhenya after he didn’t come to Boston. I’m sorry that I didn’t break up with him after he ghosted me in DC. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you and I’m sorry that I made you part of whatever I was doing.”

“I don’t know that that makes me feel any better,” Jeff says.

“It wasn’t because I wanted to get back at him or…. or whatever you think it was,” Marcus says. “I was angry, and I came into the bar and you were there and you looked - “ Marcus breaks off and he’s quiet for a moment. “We’d been flirting a lot, you know? And I shouldn’t have done that, but I did. Because it felt good to have someone interested in me. Because Zhenya wasn’t anymore.”

“I didn’t want to be someone’s other man,” Jeff says. “I’ve done that, and it felt shitty. And in the end you’re just going back to your boyfriend.”

“Jeff," Marcus says. They stop at a light and Marcus turns to look at Jeff. Jeff is not looking at Marcus. "I don't have a boyfriend anymore. I broke up with him. And I should have done it long before I did."

"Then maybe this would be different," Jeff says.

"Maybe," Marcus says. "It's hard to let go of something - someone - that's been everything to you for five years. It was hard for me to let go of Zhenya. But I'd rather be here with you now, knowing you maybe hate me for what I did, than be waiting for him to decide he has time for me."

"Because I have all the time in the world for you," Jeff says, his tone sarcastic.

"I would hope that if you wanted to have time for me, you'd make time for me," Marcus says. "I'm not here to force you into anything. But I liked being with you. As more than just teammates."

Marcus pulls into the drive in front of Jeff's. Jeff doesn't get out immediately, so Marcus takes a chance.

"I made a mistake," Marcus says. "I was unhappy and lonely and you made me happy. So I hope you at least think about giving me another chance."

Jeff stares at him for a long moment, his face unreadable in the shadows, and then he gets out of the car without another word.

It’s several days before Jeff comes back to him.

Jeff corners him by his car in the parking lot of the practice rink. The wind is blowing and there are snow flurries and it would almost be romantic if Marcus weren’t miserable. If Nicke hadn’t been texting him furiously because Zhenya’s upset and by extension Ovi’s upset and annoying Nicke about it.

Marcus is not responsible for Zhenya’s feelings. Zhenya was the one who kept blowing him off, so he doesn’t get to be mad that Marcus went looking for someone who didn’t blow him off. Or something.

“This happened to me once before,” Jeff says without preamble. “Because someone was in a relationship and they were looking for, you know. More. And then he went back to his wife and it felt like shit.”

“I don’t have anyone to go back to,” Marcus says.

“I just don’t want to be in the position for someone to … to act like they care about me and I’m just - “ Jeff says. Marcus cuts him off.

“I do care about you,” Marcus says. “I’m not acting.”

“How much can you care about someone you cheated with?” Jeff asks.

“I don’t know how to explain it to you more than I already have,” Marcus says. “That relationship was over way before we broke up. And I didn’t want to see it, and I didn’t want to let it go because it was everything I’d known for the last five years.”

“You’re not going back to him,” Jeff says.

“No,” Marcus says. “I’m here with you.”

“Okay,” Jeff says. He has snowflakes melting in his eyelashes.

“Will you come home with me?” Marcus asks. “I’ll make dinner and - “

Jeff cuts him off with a kiss.

Marcus makes dinner from scratch and Jeff makes hot cocoa from packets and they fall asleep curled up together on Marcus’s couch. It’s still snowing when Marcus wakes up, and it’s dark outside and the TV has gone dark from sitting on the same screen for too long. Marcus stretches, and Jeff shifts slightly, and Marcus buries his fingers in Jeff’s hair, scratching his fingers against Jeff’s scalp.

Jeff makes a soft, pleased noise.

“We should go to bed,” Marcus suggests. Jeff stretches, then slips his hands underneath Marcus’s t-shirt, resting cool hands against Marcus’s bare skin. He sighs instead of answering, resting his head on Marcus’s chest.

Marcus slides a hand under the back of Jeff’s shirt, stroking a hand over his skin.

“Come to bed with me,” Marcus says.

“Carry me,” Jeff says sleepily.

“I’m pretty sure that will be a disaster,” Marcus says, and laughs.

Jeff shifts and pushes himself up Marcus’s body until he can press their mouths together. It’s an awkward position with the way Marcus is lying on the couch, Jeff’s hips slotted between is thighs.

Marcus realizes that he missed Jeff when Jeff wasn’t speaking to him, wasn’t sleeping with him, wasn’t _with_ him. Jeff gets more aggressive, pushes himself up, grinds his hips down against Marcus.

“Jeff,” Marcus says, pulling back slightly.

“Just a minute,” Jeff says, kissing along Marcus’s jaw.

“I want to take you to bed,” Marcus says.

Jeff pushes himself up and straightens up his tangled t-shirt before standing. His cock tents his sweatpants and he reaches out and grabs Marcus’s hands to pull him up. Marcus stumbles against him on purpose, dropping his hands down to Jeff’s hips to pull them together. Jeff hooks his arms around Marcus’s waist.

They stumble down the hallway into bed, leaving sweats and t-shirts discarded on the hallway and bedroom floor. Jeff’s body is heavy on top of Marcus as he pins him down to the bed, grabs him by the wrists and pins his wrists against the mattress. If what Jeff needs is the control here, then Marcus is happy to give it to him.

He tucks himself in against Marcus between the sheets, sweaty and slick and messy. Marcus is so tired he doesn’t give a fuck about sleeping in the wet spot. He pushes his knee between Jeff’s and wraps an arm around him, nuzzles his nose into Jeff’s hair.

Marcus is almost asleep when Jeff speaks. “I was so mad when I found out,” Jeff whispers. “I wanted you. I had - I have. Feelings, you know.”

“For me,” Marcus asks, whispering back like there’s someone who might overhear them.

“Yeah,” Jeff says.

Marcus dips his face down and presses his lips against Jeff’s. “I care about you, you know?” Marcus says to him. “And I know that’s hard to think that I do because of all the other bullshit, but I do. I could love you, maybe. If you let me.”

“If I let you,” Jeff says.

“If you’ll have me,” Marcus says.

“I want you,” Jeff says.

“Then give me a chance,” Marcus says.

“I am,” Jeff says. He pushes himself back and tilts his face up to kiss Marcus. “I am.”

**Author's Note:**

> on twitter at @notedgoon


End file.
